Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Honey, Where's Our Elephant?

Pantry Scavenger Hunt

"Where's the Mac-n-Cheese?" I ask.

"In the pantry," she replies.

"What shelf? I don't see it!"

"Second shelf, right up front," she calls out from the next room.

I give up after searching for a couple of minutes. Damn thing is larger than a shoe box. If it's in there, I can't find it. We must be out. "We must be out. I can't find it."

"I just bought some. It's in there."

Her tone is changing. I'll defuse it. "Don't worry about it. I'll make something else." That should be fine. No need to get up. Pappa's in the kitchen and he's got it all under control.

I was in the process of starting up something else when there's a thud on the counter. I turn around and there's my wife, wide-eyed, silent and staring at me. There's a large box of Mac-n-Cheese on the counter.

"Uh, where'd you find it?" I ask.

"Right up front, where I said it was," and she leaves.

How is she so good at hiding things?

Monday, July 25, 2011

You Know You Want To

I'm thinking alligator

I don't care what you think it is, but I'm from Louisiana. I'm thinking that anyone around here with less than the usual number of fingers, toes, or appendages were dared to "Pet It!"

Either that, or this person runs an Information Technology department for very well organized chihuahuas.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Baby's In Black and I'm Feelin' Blue (NSFW)

Antique Shopping

I love antiquing. You never know what you will find. Here's a beaut that would look good in my man-cave. Only $250! It's a steal at twice the price. If only I had a man cave to hang her in a place where my fellow cavemen could come in and feel how smooth the velvet is...

And ridicule me for buying something I'd have to constantly dust.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Dumbass


Who's going to fall for this one?

Saw this one near the office. Apparently this homeowner doesn't want to be bothered to hold a spot by putting an orange cone in the street; as many homeowners around the university do. A more pedestrian approach (by the student houses) is to put a chair or inverted trashcan in the street. But a FAKE handicap sign on a SPINDLY STICK?

This must have taken some thought. "I'll put up a sign to keep people from parking in front of my house. I'll purchase a sign. I'll put it on a FRIGGIN STICK and that'll convince people of its authenticity.

Dumbass.

I'm not put out by this sign. I don't park this far away from the university. But, as Jacob Marley said "Mankind was my business! Their common welfare was my business!" I should pull it up to keep the bully homeowners from staking out what is not rightfully theirs.

Then again, its common to get your tires slashed by people as arrogant and ignorant as this one.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Essence Of Soul

When I get to heaven

What were they looking for with this sign? Is this an existential component of my soul? Is it a music reference?

I think it's a culture reference.

What is soul? It's a feeling; it's a way of thinking; it's music that speaks to a culture; it's a train bringing all the best in Mo-Town music. It's all this and more. And you know what? It's animals too.

Except for that duck. He ain't soul. He's just too damned goofy.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Daddy is Being Big Meanie


If you can't beat 'em...

Child 3 (aka the "Caboose") asked me "Daddy, what are you doing tomorrow?"

I replied, earnestly and honestly "Nothing."

Hearing what she wanted to hear, she began "Then lets go to..." as I cut her off.

"Child," I said, "I don't think you understand what I said.

Apparently, children don't believe that their parents could actually want to do nothing all Sunday. I found the note left on the patio this morning. She's so cute. I printed it out and left it on the fridge next to the other art projects (now Mrs. Bayou thinks I'm "being big meanie" too).

I'm left with one question regarding "Daddy is being big meanie". Am I "a" big meanie, or "the" big meanie?

Monday, October 25, 2010

They Live Among Us

Unverified Mutant Sighting

For those of you out there looking for exciting photos of mutants (or perhaps something a bit more prurient), I was unable to verify the veracity of this plate. I did, however, find a napkin in my truck and ran it along the underside of the driver-side door handle. I'm awaiting the results of the DNA test to see if the driver/owner of this vehicle has deviated from the human framework. Then again, I may find out that I used the napkin once before and all they'll get at the lab is confirmation that I did not, in fact, have Dengue Fever last week, just a cold.